The official enrollment numbers for the incoming Class of 2018 have been announced, and according to the Office of Admissions it will consist of 1,328 students, 1,274 of which are male indicating a male-to-female ratio of almost one to zero.
While the Admissions Office recognizes that the gender ratio for this class may be considered lower-than-average, they affirm that the admission process fairly evaluates all applications without prejudice to gender.
“Girls just aren’t that smart,” said William Navidson, Dean of Admissions. “Honestly, we don’t know how they actually expect to compete in the clearly male programs taught at Rensselaer, anyway.”
When asked, Admissions officials stated that they “really can’t think of a time” that a woman had contributed to the fields of science or engineering, and proposed that women interested in pursuing careers in these fields instead focus their time on “girly things” and “easier stuff”.
“I recommend knitting, or crying about their feelings,” said Navidson, going on to state that there is no room in science for women, girls, chicks, babes, or any variation thereof. He went on to explain that, “while we recognize that women have made great strides in the science of blowjobs and hair care, Rensselaer does not currently offer curricula in these fields.”
Additionally, the official report for class statistics lists the average attractiveness of the incoming female students as “between a 4 and 5, but only after a few drinks”, with over 60 students rated as “only with the lights off”.
Due to the high ratio of male to female students in the upcoming class, the Cary, Bray, Hall, and Nason freshman dormitories will be converted to single-sex buildings, with Barton Hall being reserved exclusively for female students.
(The opinions and views expressed in this article do not reflect those of RPI Onion, RPI’s only reliable news source.)